


my twin

by kyungsoowable



Category: EXO (Band)
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-12-29
Updated: 2018-12-29
Packaged: 2019-09-29 16:54:41
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,934
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17207267
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/kyungsoowable/pseuds/kyungsoowable
Summary: junmyeon is an architect; suho is a free-lance artist





	my twin

"Hyung?"

Junmyeon looked up from looking down at his phone. He saw Suho, his younger twin brother, his signature small serene smile showing up.

"Do you need help with that?"

Junmyeon looked at were Suho was pointing; his papers with unfinished sketches all sprawled out on the table top, waiting to be cleaned.. or probably finished.

"No, I can clean them on my own," he said as he went to look at his phone again.

He heard Suho chuckled. "I mean," he started, "..with your sketches. I can help you come up with a new design for Chanyeol's studio." Suho started picking a random paper with an unfinished sketch of an interior design of a studio-- chanyeol's-- but with a huge x mark.

Junmyeon sighed and put his phone down with a not so gentle slam. "I told you no. I can make this on my own, you can go back to your anime and game characters instead and be quite," he picked up his pencil and grabbed another piece of clean paper. "That's how you can help me."

Suho put down the paper. Though he was sure his hyung couldn't see him, he smiled. "Okay. I'm just on the other room if you need some help." With that, the younger walked out of Junmyeon's room.

He was left with a deafening silence.

***

"Hyung.."

Junmyeon woke up with an aching nape and back. he pushed himself off his table as he put a hand behind his neck.  _Fuck_ , he cursed internally. 

"Hyung, you slept on your table again. here have some tea to calm yourself. it'll help you relieve the pain as well."  

Junmyeon looked at the tea Suho set on the other table next to the table he was working on. Tt was for food and other stuff not related to his work. 

The older brother rolled his eyes but he was actually a little bit thankful for the tea. Suho's teas always help him feel calm.  

***

"Hyung, dont you think this part kinda needs to have a little bit of--" 

"Suho, if you're just gonna come here and complain about my ways, its better if you'll just get out and let me work silently!" 

The younger brother retracted his finger back. He smiled, "Okay," and got out.  

***

Junmyeon was pulled out of his concentration when his phone vibrated. He picked it up and without looking at the receiver, he slid his finger to answer, "Mmm?" 

The other line was silent for a second. Then a short chuckle was heard. "Cmon, Suho, you got to have a better greeting."  

Junmyeon checked the caller id and sighed. "What's up, 𝘥𝘰𝘤 Yixing?" the other line laughed. "And I'm not Suho, its me Junmyeon." 

Silence. 

"Oh? Good, Junmyeon. So... how were you lately? didn't receive any texts from you for a while."

Dr. Zhang, Zhang Yixing to be precise, was a friend of Junmyeon. They were childhood friends, and its all just because they're cousins and neighbors. They had no one else to play with before.

"Good, still working on the latest project, I just received." The other line was silent."Dr. Zhang?"

 A short 'oh' was heard before the other replied, "That's good to know. I hope you're not over working yourself, or sleeping on top of your table again." 

Junmyeon managed a half smile, "Sorry, I just did. But dont worry, I'm perfectly fine. Suho made me a cup of tea--"

"H-Hyung.." 

Junmyeon quickly whipped his head towards his younger brother's voice. He saw Suho standing on the door way, with one hand holding a what it seemed to be a fountain pen for his drawing.  

"H-Help.." Suho's hands were shaking almost violently. His eyes which were always full of peacefulness and positivity were filled with fear. 

 _P_ 𝘭𝘦𝘢𝘴𝘦, Junmyeon could hear his own voice in the head, _calm down_.  

Junmyeon felt shaken as well. He couldn't seem to move himself from his seat towards his brother. He watched as he saw Suho slowly fall on his knees. Everything seemed to be in slow motion and the sight just makes Junmyeon feel tight in the chest. 

"Suho.." he managed to speak.  

"--up Junmyeon!!" 

Junmyeon could hear a ring on his ears, Yixing's voice seemed to echo from a distance. The tightness in his chest seemed to had traveled to his head and in a moment, he could also feel himself lost balance and now joining his brother on the floor.  

"Junmyeon?! JUNMYEON?!!" the phone still rang. 

Junmyeon disregarded his phone and went to reach his also unconscious brother. He held his hand and muttered unclear apologies before his vision blackened.  

***

"Junmyeon.." 

Junmyeon fluttered his eyes open. He was confused as to why the first thing he saw was Yixing, but all gone when he remembered again what just happened. He quickly sat up from lying on the floor, Yixing holding his arm.  

_[ahhh, starting here, everything will be unedited hehe]_

"Wait, dont get up just yet!" scolded yixing. 

junmyeon looked at him with wide eyes. "suho? where's suho?!" he went to hold yixing's arm back but was surprised to see the fountain pen suho was holding earlier in his hands.  

"calm the fuck down, junmyeon," yixing stated with worry. "here, take this," he gave junmyeon a tablet and a glass of water. 

junmyeon stared at the object on yixing's hand for a second. he sighed knowing what it was for.  

"im sorry i got a panic attack," he muttered before taking the medicine and drinking the water. "i wasn't able to help suho earlier because of this.." 

yixing looked at him with a reassuring look. "he's.. fine. he's sleeping in his room. good thing i was able to help him earlier"  

"why are you here though, don't you have patients to see?" junmyeon asked as he attempted to stand up before yixing pulled him down again. junmyeon eyed yixing and the latter just gave him THAT look.  

"okay, fine, im sorry, i didn't take the meds for a week already," junmyeon confessed. "i was too preoccupied with work." 

"and you did something that upset suho as well, right?"  

junmyeon sighed. "i think i was too hard for him when he just wanted to help with my work."

yixing nodded. "and you know what happens next, junmyeon. he overworks himself and him overworking is a bad thing for his hands and also for you. he gets afraid and you too.."  

junmyeon was silent. he remembered how his brother's hands were trembling so much, and how his chest felt when he saw it. 𝘶𝘨𝘩, 𝘸𝘩𝘦𝘯 𝘸𝘪𝘭𝘭 𝘪 𝘦𝘷𝘦𝘳 𝘭𝘦𝘢𝘳𝘯!  

"is he in his room?" junmyeon asked silently. yixing nodded. 

"its best if you rest for now as well.. don't worry about him, he's fine already.."  

***

junmyeon didn't see suho for the rest of the day and night. yixing told him not to disturb suho for now. he's really curious as to why wouldn't yixing let him see suho and how could suho ever sleep that much for hours.  

"the meds! please don't forget to drink them, junmyeon. those will help you concentrate more on your work if you drink them," junmyeon could hear yixing's last words before going out the house.  

junmyeon would sigh every time he remembers he had to take those meds. he hated it, actually. he's been taking those meds for years and he realized its never been good to his kidneys if he continues.  

he had them-- the panic attacks-- ever since the road accident. he lost both his mom and dad but he was fortunate enough to had survived the accident. 

he could still remember the moment clearly; the very reason why they got into a such unfortunate event.  

_"why are you pointing at my characters?"_

_"that's so childish, suho, why don't you make a houses or cars instead?"_

_"i like my characters better than houses and cars.."_

_"you should learn how to, suho!"_

_"no!"_

and just like that, the next thing he heard was a tire screeching through and a loud crash. up to this day, he blamed himself for what happened.

ever since, Junmyeon had always been the serious type.. while suho... he actually may be his twin but his memory had been disrupted so bad because of the accident.. all he remember of him was, he's the joyful, more carefree one of the two.  

***

"hyung?" 

junmyeon looked up from his phone and towards the voice that called him. 

"are you okay?"  

junmyeon found suho pulling a chair and sat beside him in front of his work table. he was surprised of himself since he just didn't think of shooing suho away just like what he always do.  

suho glanced toward his hyung. junmyeon met suho's dark orbs which seemed to be holding a lot of things. he felt like he was looking at a dark, endless pit but at the same time he also felt warm and very calm.  

suho had always made junmyeon feel peacefulness in him. junmyeon may night notice it but he himself would unconsciously look for it at times. it made him feel comfort.

suho-- out of nowhere-- smiled at his hyung. this time, it was a different smile from what he usually wore. junmyeon tried to look for it, but it seemed like he just couldn't point at what that smile really meant. it was rare, but he knew it wasn't and didn't mean anything bad.  

"don't you think its already time?" suho said. junmyeon was clearly confused just by looking at how his forehead made small creases. suho then released a small chuckle and continued, "i meant, your tea, junmyeon."  

***

"have you taken your meds today?" yixing's text read. 

a few days had already passed and in those few days junmyeon had been replying to yixing the lies that he 'actually' did.  

one of the reasons he lied was his head was so preoccupied with so many thoughts that he often forgot that he had medications to take. and most of them was all about suho.  

suho.. it had all been suho. junmyeon didn't know why suho can such be so difficult to read at times. he thought he knew his brother like the back of his hand but the more he thought about it, the more it gets complicated for him. it gives him headaches.  

suho may be his twin brother but the fact that he couldn't remember a single memory of him before the accident also made him question things. yeah, he also had memory gaps in most part of his childhood due to the accident but why cant he remember anything about suho?  

it was as if suho just suddenly came into his life right after the accident. just that thought itself brought a lot of headache on junmyeon and he hated thinking about that to him. 

suho is his brother, he's not just someone who appears out of nowhere.  

but... that's kinda the case though..

it had been the fifth night he found himself having a hard time sleeping. he had been thinking a lot. he had been overthinking. junmyeon hadn't even tried going out his room anymore. there were just so much going on in his head.  

but despite all of this, suho had always been there for him. he wouldn't even notice him standing a few feet away from him at times when he's overthinking or having problems, with a warm cup of tea on hand. his teas.. his teas were just something else.  

sometimes at night, junmyeon would sit on the side of his bed, with warm tea in his hands and suho a meter away from him. they wouldn't talk. not a single peep. but the presence of one another was enough. it was all enough for comfort.  

and sometimes suho, again, was being his difficult self. junmyeon being an older sibling, he must try to at least understand what's going on with suho's head. he wanted to know what's inside, so he could at least know what to say back to him.  

but now matter how much he tried, he just couldn't.  

"hyung," suho would speak up, junmyeon would wish its not something difficult to understand again. "..im already really tired, you know.." 

junmyeon couldn't understand. why? how? suho was such a positive person, why would he say that?  

what was it actually that could make him say that? 

"i tried fixing everything but im scared i couldn't do it.." suho would continue. "i just want everything to be back to how it used to be.."  

junmyeon couldn't answer. he didn't even know what suho was trying to fix. he didn't know what suho meant by bringing everything back again. he just couldn't understand him..  

just like some other nights, junmyeon was again given tea by suho. the same tea that calms him down. the only tea only suho can make up for him. he didn't like any other tea except this.  

junmyeon looked down at the half-filled tea cup, seeing his reflection. the cup's outside surface felt rough with his palms but the warmness it radiated through his hands was something else.  

"haven't you gotten tired of yourself too?" suho spoke up again. sometimes, even just one, he wanted to punch suho square on the face for speaking such words again, for asking or telling him things that he couldn't understand.  

with a small vibration from junmyeon's phone, the older was momentarily pulled away from his thoughts. he picked it up, to only bring it down again after reading yixing's text, "suho, you have to take your medicines! i know you've been lying to me, i'll see you in the morning."  

he gripped the still warm cup tightly. suho beside him eyed his hands. junmyeon couldn't hold it back any longer and threw the cup to the carpet, spilling the tea.  

his mind was in a haywire, he could feel adrenaline rush though his body. how many times does he have to remind yixing that he's not suho. he's junmyeon. he's full name is kim junmyeon, he couldn't be his brother, his brother couldn't be him.  

"does it still make you mad? because you just want to live with how the people around you should see you?" not with those questions again. junmyeon could feel his body shake, suho's making his condition feel worse  

"can you fucking shut up, suho?" he said as he started pacing back and forth around his room. "you and your-- your.. your questions.. thoughts... riddles i DONT KNOW!!! JUST PLEASE STOP!!" he screamed. his throat burned, he's not the type to just scream.  

"i dont understand any of it! i jUST COULDN'T! SO CAN YOU JUST STOP!!" junmyeon could feel his heart hammer in his chest. his eyes locked with suho's. "please.." he whispered. "..im scared too."  

suho just remained seated, with his back leaning against junmyeon's bed. the latter didn't get how suho could remain so calm when he just had his outburst. he should be up, telling him to calm down but no.. he remained seated.  

suho pulled his eyes away from junmyeon and looked towards the spilled tea, junmyeon following where he was looking. "you just threw my tea away," suho said... with a smile.  

junmyeon couldn't take it any longer and stomped towards suho. he pulled the latter up by his collar and pinned him against a wall. "wHAT THE FUCK IS WRONG WITH YOU?! SUHO WHAT THE FUCK?!!" he was angry. he couldn't find a proper reason why but he was just angry, he's really been confused so much, it driving him mad. he didn't know how to tolerate suho's games anymore. 

to his surprise, suho just gave him a small smile. "have you realized it already, junmyeon?"  

junmyeon, without any second thoughts, punched suho. he gave him another punch, thinking he might fight back (since it's what junmyeon was wanting at the moment) but all he received was silence from the latter.  

"I DONT FUCKING UNDERSTAND YOU ANYMORE, SUHO!! YOU'RE DRIVING ME MAD!!"--junmyeon punched him again-- "FUCKING FIGHT BACK ALREADY!!"  

suho slowly stepped away from junmyeon. he looked at him again, still wearing that small warm smile of his. he didnt seem to mind the blood flowing down from his nose. junmyeon could feel hot tears slipping from his eyelids, his heart aching. _oh god, im sorry, suho._

the night atmosphere was cold, yet junmyeon kinda felt warm. he saw suho take a quick glance outside. "when will you let the world see me, hyung?"  

years. it had been years, but he doesn't ever remember suho go out the house. _might just some memory gaps_ , junmyeon thought. but really? not even once? junmyeon's breath hitched.  

"you've been suffering, because you never let the world see me," the younger continued, "you never let them see the real you.."  

memories from the accident replayed again in junmyeon's head. _no_. memories of his mom getting mad at him because of-- _please stop_.. 

"haven't you been tired? of pretending to be someone you don't want to be?"  

by now, junmyeon was gripping the sides of his head. memories of his childhood-- the ones he thought he had forgotten and never be remembered again flowed right back into his head.  

"don't you think its time to let go of the past? and never let anyone tell you what you should be?"  

" ' _suho_ '? " 

" _its my name as an artist, mom_. _i want to be known for drawing characters and landscapes. mom_! _i want to be an artist_!" 

the look of disappointment was clearly remembered by junmyeon.

" _you're still an artist if you're an architect, junmyeon_!" 

" _no, dad! i want to be a free artist_!!" 

the bitter past he thought was forever forgotten resurfaced. tears ran down junmyeon's cheeks  

as he achingly remembered the past. what really happened, and what he really was.  

he remembered as he opened his sketchbook which was filled with drawings of people with different hairstyles and dresses. he remembered as he effortlessly painted the scenery he always saw in the balcony of his parent's house.  

he remembered the times when yixing and him used to play together and even draw on his old room's wall. he remembered the colors he tried to wash away because his mom found out about it. he remembered signing his drawings when he had finished them..  

" made by: _suho_ "  

junmyeon screamed, trying to get these familiar yet also foreign memories away from his head. _no_.. junmyeon couldn't believe this.. _no, no no no no no no no no_ \-- _im not_.. _im not suho_   

"suho..." junmyeon tried to look at where the voice came from. through the blurry vision because of the tears, he still saw suho standing in front of him, his smile looked like it was even warmer than ever. "suho.." suho called him.  

he can't be suho-- why was suho calling him by his name?!! he's junmyeon!! he can't be his brother!! 

"suho.. don't to try to deny it, please. you're you. you're always be the real you."  

more tears fell down from junmyeon's eyes. he slowly stepped back, away from this man in front of him. who was he then? what was suho's real name then? 

"you know who i am, suho.."  

junmyeon shook his head. the realization hit him hard like a bullet. no, he can't just be-- no, he just cant...  

with a shaky voice, junmyeon asked, "a-are you... going away?? n-now that i...... i've remembered everything?"  

junmyeon side-glanced at suho who was just standing on the same spot, the light of the moon shining on him as it passed through the window. 

that night was supposed to be very chilly as winter's about to begin but right at the moment, twas as if they were in the middle of spring  

courage took over junmyeon as he looked up. he locked eyes again with this figure in front of him, who he considered as his brother, whose eyes are as calming as ever and as deep as an endless pit, holding so much in it.  

he remembered the time he used to look at them but with curiosity, the times when he would think why it seemed like it was holding a lot of secrets he should(n't) know.  

he remembered the moments he would ask himself how could this man know so much about him, and junmyeon himself doesn't even know.  

"i will just be here," the figure in front of him answered as he pointed at his own chest. "i am part of you.. we could never be separated."  

junmyeon let more tears flow from his eyes as he thought that he couldn't see this figment ever again. he ran towards him, the figure he really considered as his brother for all these years, the man who he had tried to shoo away but still came to comfort him  

and hugged him very tightly. he was scared of the fact that he could actually feel him, as if he was really there. he rest his head on the other's shoulder and said, "im sorry.. im sorry...."  

but then again, as usual, he was only replied again with something else, "please smile again like always, hyung.."  

more tears fell out as seconds passed and junmyeon could now feel nothing but hollowness. he fell on his knees, crying as much as he could, letting everything out; the pain, the loneliness. 

he couldn't feel anything in his arms anymore, but warmness and peacefulness within him  

***

yixing quickly got out of his car as soon as he got into junmyeon's house. he had just finished his night shift and never bothered to go back to his house first since he had to see junmyeon.  

quickly, he went upstairs to where junmyeon's room was located. he saw a gap on the doorway and quickly opened it to check on junmyeon.... but he was rather surprised of what he saw.  

"oh, you're early, yixing.." 

yixing's eyes went wide. junmyeon was standing in front of his window, with a tripod and a canvas standing in front of him. the canvas was already filled with colors of the city scape junmyeon could view from his window.  

"j-junmyeon?" 

the man with paint splattered all over his shirt turned to yixing with a raised eyebrow with a serious face. "how many times do i have to tell you to call me with my artist's name when im doing something?"  

he then gave yixing a big smile and laughed afterwards. "you're forgetful as always, yixing." he turned his back on him and went to finish his painting.  

the doctor couldn't believe what he just saw. he almost wanted to splash water on his face right now, this could probably just a dream, right? but with the warmness of the sunrise plus how vivid and real the situation looked was, he knew he wasn't dreaming.  

yixing travelled his eyes around the room and found the cup junmyeon used to drink on with suho's tea lying around the carpeted floor just a few feet beside junmyeon's bed, with no trace of spilled tea around it.  

yixing smiled as he went to pick up the cup. junmyeon turned towards him. the former caressed the cup before handing it to junmyeon who was now having a look that said, "i did it." the artist took the cup and held it in his hands. 

"you're your own remedy, suho.. welcome back." the doctor said.  

suho looked down at the cup, remembering what happened a few hours ago. he tear escaped his eyes. he said, "you know.. i was thinking.. it was never bad to have brother.."


End file.
